What do you fish for?

Night. Walking the path to an unknown lounge. Slowly, she walks down the steps.
It is a small, downtown basement transformed into a nightclub. The poorly decorated walls,
with mirrors and semi-finished stone -colored wood murals, are ignored by the customers.
The red and white lights, dim.

She knows she should not be there. It is late. It isn't weekend. Tomorrow, another work day, today
another strong feeling of being miserable. She has repeatedly told herself how much she does not
like partying ( at least in the sense that most make of it). She does not like getting drunk and stupid; she does not enjoy most of the music; and in a cold day, she much rather stay home, drink hot chocolate and
read a book.

" Can't you just have fun?" Maybe… she whispers to the air. Nobody can be heard anyways. Loud,
irritating tunes blasting in people's ears. She sits and looks around. The sluggish bodies moving in contrast with the music. She asks herself: what is wrong? Have been born unfit for the reality. Her age, her attitude, attached to old virtues of happiness. Or maybe, she is just a rebel. More than any of these people scantily dressed to impress. Or maybe not, maybe she just does not fit in. Maybe she just shouldn't be there. Indeed, she knows she shouldn't.

She walks towards the improvised stage. The main performer is on centre-stage , with one dancer on his left and another on his right. Poorly, but a la 80s electronica, the DJ throws the beats and the mistuned singer sings. She feels a sad, burning, laughter sensation in her stomach. She much rather just walk away. But she can't. She came all the way here, she accepted her role, she accepted her need. She walks back to the sitting area. She cannot see but only hear the performer. She sits " no thanks, I don't really drink".

The past washes over her. It is possible to find someone like me. It is. Is it really? Is it that hard to just be happy without living this pseudo -youth life of partying, drinks and drugs? What is the problem of working, going home, cooking dinner, talking about your day, reading a book, watching a show? What is the problem of going out for dinner? To watch a play? A movie? A concert? What is wrong with getting together with friends to dine and chat? What is the problem with walking on a park, on the streets , around the block? Doesn't it all sound youthful as well? Or are all these things rated boring?

There are so many delightful hobbies and activities that human beings can be involved, she thought to herself, all of them entertaining and many enriching. You can improve your knowledge, your health and
have fun at the same time. But why, to so many people ( and a lot of those over 30) the idea of youthful fun is only related to nightclubs, drinks and easy sexual exchanges? Why is that to be young is to party on those terms? Why am I this boring? Why Am I feeling unhappy over here, when all these people are
physically similar to me, over 30, average looking, single. Why don't I adjust myself to this reality? A common reality shared by many.

She stands up. The second group is getting ready to go on stage. The DJ replays the pre-performance songs. Many leave the lounge, one by one. The cold wind hits her semi-bare back. They go outside to smoke. She stays. Waits. Watches the seconds pointer on her watch. It's 1.15am.1:15:38.1:15:40.1:15:46
1.16am. Soon, she says, soon this night will be over.