A sunny day

Nothing can ever be perfect.
There are paths to be chosen,
paths to be followed, and just paths.

I hold the deepest part that connects me to another human being.

Anger, angst, understanding
That sometimes things are not the way we wanted it to be.
But jealousy strikes painfully, when
You just wanted to be that someone that was able to help,
when you were not.

Doors closed, you.
Pushed away. Left. Alone.
Again. It was hard for me, and still is.
I hold on to memories that shouldn't be,
shouldn't exist.

Assumptions. Necessities.
We are all the same, maybe
A little bit different.

I play with words that are not mine,
That I don't believe,
While trying to keep the energy
Of unconditional happiness
Up in the sky

Please, I just wanted to feel
The warmth of hope
Emanating from your body
Instead of the freezing ,
Isolating depression.
Looking at me and saying:


You are not welcome today.

Trapped

These thoughts run
I try to catch
Make sense
But it hurts

The sharp gaze
Quietness
I try to release
But it hurts

Implore, beg
No response
I try to be cold
But it hurts

Move away,
Immerse in words
I try to forget
But it hurts

The sharp pain
In my chest
On my face
As I pretend
Unaffected
Unable to cry
I try to relax
But it hurts

I learned that the best way
Is to breathe
Keep your voice down
Listen,
Try to be heard,
Not get angry,
Try to understand

And I try so hard
I try everyday
I don't stop trying
But it hurts,
It still hurts

Please...no thank you.

Right now
The only wish I have
Is to run away
Without a destination
Without thoughts

Frustration
Delusion
Calls and questions
Wanting to understand
Without being understood
Without being heard

Right now
I would rather let it go
Let everything vanish
Like useless,
Wasted time
Without a value
Without concreteness

Absorbing the part
That most hurt
I sit here
Close to the soil
With unfruitful seeds

My feet cold
Although I have warm socks
On and yours
Unable to speak
Unable to communicate

Right now
The only wish I have
Is to run away
Without hatred
Without fear

To the infinite, spacious
Land of unbroken hearts

Reality

The affection of your eyes
Illuminates my complexion as I smile
Even though the cold rain
And the freezing wind burn my face

What do I know now?
I know that we are not what we used to be
I know we are not
I know there is still a tender feeling between us
Unable to raise
Unable to fly

The motion of your hand as we shake
And kiss
Like good friends
Having a good time

Intimacy of people
Not afraid to be themselves
Not scared to be who they are

A chapter not ready to close
Or chances not ready to be lost?

I turn the pages
But you are always present
I try to move on
But you poke me on my shoulder
Inviting
Reconnecting

What do I know now?
That there is too much to lose...
Uncertainty of a victory
That may never exist

It's not about me anymore
It's not about you
It's about not being selfish
And finding solutions
Instead of carrying chains
Too heavy to let us flow
And too weak to protect us
Against the errs of the past

head, in, you

Dear friend,

I understand sometimes you may use your ability
To be silly and sarcastic
To make comments and behave
In a selfish way

You also use,
Your ability to say and act
In whatever way pleases you
Or protects you
( your defense mechanism)
To express what is going on
At the moment
In your life

But as your friend,
I would like to say,
It frustrates me
To not be able to communicate effectively
( or as effective as possible)
With you

And messages are lost
And moments leap and dissipate
When I just wanted
To help you
( Even though you may not need me)
To talk with you

Dear friend,
I am also writing to you
Because I care
Because I think about you often
And wish I had the courage
And understanding
To better demonstrate and
Express how I feel

But I hope, my friend,
I have been clear enough,
And without metaphors
Or any other literary device
Comprehended in the most
Humble way.

Take care.